You’ll all be very excited to hear that I’m planning on posting a monthly music feature on the bands and artists I love. You can expect the majority of them to be very happy bands like The National, Joy Division, and The Smiths. Oh the joy. The only problem with writing about music I love, though, is that it will restrict me from partaking in one of my favourite pastimes. Moaning. So, to allow my ranty side out for a while, here are my five most overrated bands/artists. Please feel free to berate, disagree with, and abuse me in the comments section. Or, you can even agree. If you like.
Coldplay were okay once. Their first album, full of reasonably melodic pop tunes, was actually quite pleasant. Yellow was good. In fact, I remember saying at the time that it was my favourite song of the year.
Then came the second album. It wasn’t horrible. I still listen to Green Eyes on occasion; I just pretend somebody else is singing it.
The rest of their career blends into one long, painful, ear-ache inducing squeal that almost makes me violent. They released Fix You, the world’s most long-winded and tuneless song. People liked it. They became huge. Suddenly they released song after song, each one sounding exactly the same as Fix You, and many of them with names nearly as stupid as that of the singer’s child Apple. Viva la Vida. Lhuna. Mylo Xyloto.
Shut up Coldplay.
But you people keep on buying their records. You keep going to see them live. Please stop; if you carry on, Chris Martin’s head will soon be too big to go on tour and we’ll all be made to stare at him permanently while he screams about fixing people and writes the names of charities he doesn’t understand on his wrists.
Do you like Radiohead? What about tribute acts? What about a tribute act that slowly became one of the biggest bands in the world, all by trying to sound exactly like Radiohead, but without ever coming close to their levels of innovation and talent? You like the sound of that? Welcome to Muse.
Matt Bellamy has made a career out of sounding like a slightly out of tune Thom Yorke and looking like a less overweight Gary Glitter.
Most of what Bellamy sings is indecipherable and all of their songs sound identical. Apart from the one they wrote for The Olympics. That one sounded like an ode to Hitler.
I don’t expect many people to agree with me about The Beatles. In my experience, uttering a bad word about the fab four seems to get a reaction that would seem more suited to somebody saying that Jimmy Saville was actually an alright guy. Keep in mind that this post isn’t about bad bands (although Coldplay and Muse are awful): it’s about overrated bands.
The most common argument for The Beatles’ eminence is that they were the first. They created music in its current form. Without The Beatles none of the bands I know and love would exist. Blah blah blah. This argument is akin to saying that the first man to ever hit a cow on the head with a club and take a bite from its stomach must be the person to have eaten the best ever steak dinner. People create things. Others improve them.
There are a few Beatles songs that I love. There are a few that I like. There are many that I am completely indifferent to, and there are a couple that make me wonder just how painful it would be to shove a pin through my ear drum.
And they’re hardly the lyrical wizards that many make them out to be. Please Please Me. Love Love Me Do. I Wanna Hold Your Hand. They sound like songs written by a kid in playschool.
Of course, I could be wrong. After all, their most famous chorus is ‘na na na nana na na, nana na na, na na.’
I don’t get Queen. They seem to be a novelty act that just kept going; a one hit wonder that didn’t quite understand exactly what the term meant. For me, it’s like Babylon Zoo or Whigfield sticking around after Spaceman or Saturday Night and just refusing to go, turning up at Top of the Pops every couple of months and blasting out another slice of inane pop.
But they’ve gone down in the music hall of fame. They have a musical based on their story which sells out year after year after year. If I had to choose I think I’d rather see Babylon Zoo the Musical.
And finally, the Queen of Utter Drivel. Without a single good song in a career that spans thirty years, the Britney kissing, repulsive sex book creator with no discernible talent wins my most overrated artist of all time award.
I find it hard to believe people when they say they like Madonna. I’ve never heard anyone listening to her. She seems to be one of those ‘icons’ that people feel they should have something by on their shelves, just to make them look a little cooler.
Or, maybe they just don’t play her in front of me because they know I’d turn into the musical snob I just proved myself to be.
Rant over. I look forward to you telling me how wrong I am – please feel free to leave your own lists below.